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I knew it would happen eventually. There would come a point where I would have time to think, take a deep breath and reflect on all that has happened the last few months and then speculate on what is to come with moving to a land far, far away. That time happened and now I miss my house.
It's really the first time that the loss of all our earthly possessions has really affected me negatively. Up to this point, it has been such a freeing experience. But, alas, I knew it would happen and I miss my house.
It's not that where we are at now is bad. In fact we have great living conditions (the food could use a little help but some would say that I'm too picky). And I'm not concerned about where we are going. There are days that I feel kind of sick to my stomach because of the uncertainty of not knowing the language, etc. Overall, I know this is where we should go and I'm excited about it. But, I still miss my house.
The best way to explain it is like this: You just broke up with your boyfriend. You don't really miss the guy as in the person but rather you miss what could have been. All that stuff you build up in your mind about this guy being the "one", yadda, yadda, yadda. The house itself wasn't anything spectacular. Just your typical suburban home. I just didn't have any plans to leave it like EVER. And in reality it was the lifestyle that I miss more than anything.
I'm also really bad about connecting items to my memories. I think that somehow if I get rid of the item then the memory goes with it as well. For example, if I get rid of a picture frame that held a photo of my college graduation, somehow the memory of my college graduation is gone with the frame. Make sense? Maybe just to me.
Anyways, I said all that just so that you understand that I missed my house today.
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3 comments:
I totally got what you were trying to say. I would imagine that missing your house would hit you at some point, so I suppose the bright side of this is that it hit you now, before you've even left the country, because I bet it would be even harder to deal with once you'd left the country. And now you have the opportunity to make new memories, and once you get over there, you will be "nesting" and making a new home for yourselves, one that will soon become familiar and cozy and homey to you, just like your old house. We're thinking of you and praying for you. Love the blog -- keep it up so we can all experience it with you!
Been thinking about you all alot the last couple days - I like to read what's going on in your blogs even if I don't comment on every one of them.
Love you all! Just wanted you to know I was thinking of you. let me know when exactly the trip back here is.. email me or something!
I've been quite busy lately (surprise?), so just now read your latest comments. They made me sad. I know how proud you and Jeff were of your first home. It was really neat and will always be special to you because it was your first, not to mention the home where your Chloe was born. I still pray for your peace and strength in knowing you couldn't have done anything else and still be in Gods' will. Everything has fallen into place too perfectly. I'm sure you have His permission to miss your peaceful, secure past at times. After all, He should understand us, He created us.
Will talk to you soon about your schedule while you're here. I know
it will be a hectic one and don't want to complicate it any.
Love you all bunches.
Mom
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