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My dear friend has provided more insight into the world of cultural parenting that I think is worth a separate posting. She and her family lived in the US for a number of years and therefore understands American Culture quite well. She is also Taiwanese and certainly understands Asian culture a good deal better than Jeff and I do as we muddle our way through.
Here is her perspective:
Hi Heather,
nice to get connected with you on the virtual world, too. :)
I want to add something to this. I agree that in Asian culture, parents enjoy bragging about their children's achievement. However, I don't think the main reason that most parents push their kids is because they can have more comfortable later life.
My parents are much richer than me actually :P. I felt the case we heard at the class is a little extreme. AS a collective culture, individual's achievement is the group's (here = family) achievement.
So I think most parents push their children so they too will feel the sense of accomplishment when their children succeed.
Also the status of a profession is very important to many. For most people, basically white collar jobs are considered to be at a higher level and much more respected than blue collar jobs. In the States, I think many parents would not mind if their kids become bus drivers or construction workers as long as they can support themselves. Here if your kid is a plumber and your neighbor's kid is a teacher than there's a huge difference.
As a result, parents push their kids to do better in school so they can get in a better-paid, more respected profession. Also in my grandparents' generation, most people were poor and life was hard. They therefore pushed their kids to work hard and succeed so their kids can live a better life. This philosophy I think still carries on.
This is an very interesting topic especially I'm teaching Sociology this semester.
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3 comments:
Heather,
This was very interesting! Being more familiar with the Japanese than the Taiwanese, I still see similarities, of course. I have observed the differences in Asian and American families here in the U.S. in a profound way. In the U.S., the Asian mindset to push your children to excel (not always a bad thing:) shows up glowingly in the music and academic competitions. Growing up, our children participated in piano competitions through our state organization. There are many Asian people in our city, and many were, and are, excellent musicians. They always do very, very well in these competitions. Not only do they perform well, but the attitude that the family brings to the competition (or recital, for that matter) is markedly different from that of the American family. When the Asian family arrives, they are "all there", with intensity, purpose, discipline, focused attention--the parents are coaching their child, and their child is just as focused, and attentive, not only to their advice, but to the task at hand. They are there to win--no, they are there to perform to the very highest level that they are capable of, and not let their parents, or teacher, down. They are prepared! Americans could learn a thing or two from them. We have become so laid back, (and it shows up even in disheveled hair and clothing, in contrast to the Asians, who are neat as a pin). Whatever the motivation, Asian children always seem to excel and American parents would do well to look to their example, in parental support and discipline, at least. We have fallen off the piano bench, and lost our place in the music, but perhaps it's not too late to pick ourselves up again, find our place in the music, and finish the piece well.
Blessings,
Wendy @ Faith's Firm Foundation
www.faithfultojesus.blogspot.com
Hi, Heather -- sounds like you and Jeff have arrived at the full-blown realization most parents must go through --- what is the "best way" to raise these darling babies? Wow, there is so much ground between being overly harsh and marshmallow soft. I empathize with you; it would be much easier if there was some good reason for always keeping the skillet in the oven... then you have a reliable guide to go by! But don't fret too much - you and Jeff turned out great.
Chloe told you how she felt when she hit her little sister; did you ask her how Ava felt? Then when she does something to make Ava smile or laugh, ask how does Ava feel? In other words, just try to get her to focus on how another feels rather than just how she feels.
My 2 cents worth! Love, Gma Pat
Hurray for all the advise! They can't get enough of this from experienced parents in today's world. Sort-of like all the cooking tips I love to hear and try...some work and some don't but doesn't hurt to hear anyway.
And I too noticed the excellent performance of the Asian children during a music recital of Lindsey's I attended. They were great and so clean cut. And more family present than any of the rest of the kids.
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